never wake from the dream

March 25, 2009


I had to send some emails yesterday to get the remix stuff going for Heartbreak. It’s a band from London who are remixing the minneapolis band Lookbook on my NyteTraxx record label later this year. They are also producing a track for my full length later in 2009. So, I’m basically getting everything sorted out, and that means including their manager in the conversation.

So, I had this fear or fantasy (not a good one) that I would get an email reply from their manager saying “Who the fuck are you?? They never consulted with me – they aren’t remixing nor producing your stuff!!!”. I sat in front of my computer with this sick feeling in my gut. Instead of staring at it for a while, which is what I used to do, I just clicked on it. It was all great news – what I had been expecting to hear. The remix will be done by end of April and we’re going to start talking about the production work as well.

So am I nuts? I wonder why I feel this way. When can I rest easy, knowing I am doing well? I have been busting my ass on music, especially the past 3 years, and nothing comes easy. I have pretty thick skin at this point. Also, I think I have just enough OCD to keep me fearing the worst, and trying to improve whatever situation is at hand. Sometimes I don’t feel like I am ever satisfied in life – then again I don’t think that’s unique to me.

I guess what I’m saying is I think it’s important to have a sense of being a little scared, a sense of doubt and being humble all the time. If you aren’t confident in your abilities – good luck. But until I’m ready to ride off into the sunset and die, I don’t think I’ll be satisfied with life. Don’t feel bad – it’s what keeps me going.

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